Christmas worries- Having Christmas your way?

Do you have a Christmas worry?Is it how will you get it all done? Keeping the family calm and happy, over a very strange few days? For some it will be as simple as "how to get through". I'll deal with that one in a different blog.

Much can be resolved by saying No. Saying"No" is the easy. Open mouth and say NO, Go on - do it now, say NO. Saying know is easy.

However believing it's ok to say it, and knowing that you can survive the fallout, is so difficult.

People often ask me how they can say "No" it is so difficult. What I am really being asked is "How can I say no without upsetting people?". The answer is sometimes you can and sometimes you can't.

People like you to do what they want - they do not like being told "NO". For many it's a rejection - and that's an understandable way to think. Research suggests that we are told "NO" tens of thousands of time before 10 years old - much more if there is a neurodivergence-and these "Nos" are dilvered because someone thinks we are wrong. So "No" can feel like a rejection. But done compationately it can be both freeing and not a rejection.

After 50 years of family Christmases I have decided to not do the family Christmas. I will be on my own elsewhere. That has puzzled my friends and may have upset the family. In reaction they they have decided to do their Christmas different this year. I am not rejecting them, just not being there on one day of the year, when the family habit has been to gather and ....eat? So we are gathering and celebrating the family on a different day. We are doing Christmas differently this year. The time and family is still precious to me, I still love them, they still love me. This year, all I am doing is rejecting the tradition.

So if you could - without any fear, say No to something this year, what would it be? What would you say NO to? Spending as much money? Staying all day with the in-laws? Eating Turkey?

#christmas #worries #sayno #goodlife #christmasanxiety #howtochristmas #christmassorted #stress #relax ##christmasplanning #stressfreechristmas #happychristmas #howtodochristmas

Love and Service

Love - All we need is love. Easy song to sing, hard to do. I did a styles of love quiz today - which is very irritating when it talks endlessly about "your partner" and you haven't got one but would like one. That's a different story. Anyway I did the quiz and the results didn't surprise me. Apparently I work with "emotional style of love". Yep I know, see my shopping bills for the number of boxes of tissues I buy. I also tend to show this love by acts of service ( doing stuff for people).

The results of these quizes are, in my opinion, not to be taken as diagnoses. It did however bring an awareness as to why I do some of the things I do. eg last night I made a single portion Lasagne for a friend. I enjoy cooking and know her well enough to know she'll enjoy the meal. I realised I was showing love through an act of service. The quiz helped me see the why. Not sure what I will do with that knowledge now I have it - but I understand myself a bit better, and maybe I will be able to understand other people's acts of love a little clearer - and with less judgement

One new thing a day - about your partner

It was a Halloween party and DD2 put on a long, dark, black wig. It looked awesome but what was more striking was the effect it had on noticing the colour of her eyes. Literally reframing her face with different hair style had encouraged me to notice things about her face that I had always know were there and never noticed.

    When I work with couples one of the gripes is 'boredom'. The sameness of today to yesterday. It occurs in every relationship - familial, friend, work, Dr/patient - anyone you meet regularly.So here's an idea. Each time you meet them consciously look for one new thing, or thing you'd forgotten about them. Make the effort to see the new to you.It's not a requirement to tell them - although I did tell DD2 how pretty her eyes looked. It's about seeing with a present mind.

 ( Idea pinched and slightly modified from a podcast from ZOE with Dr Ellen Langerhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gmi9OoCxhoM )