Yes - I do buy myself Christmas presents

Did you notice it? The heading that said "ME". Yes it mean ME, myself, or I. I buy myself Christmas presents and I love wrapping them, I love labelling them and I love opening them on Christmas morning.

My family tradition is to do Christmas stockings. Small inexpensive items that are fun to open. So when, years ago, money was really tight, when I was a single mum, with a part time job, feeling a failure, I was wrapping these little stocking items. The bone depth tiredness and the late night loneliness overwhelmed me. I sobbed. I had enough presence of mind to avoid dripping the tears onto the red Santa wrapping paper, and kept the sticky tape out of harm's way, but still the tissue box became depleted and the tears ran free.

The particular trigger was was the reality that there was no "partner" to provide me with presents or a stocking from the children. Don't get me wrong - I was content for there not to be. But the simple thought " I don't have a stocking" just hit me and hurt. I wiped up the drips, threw my shoulders up and I decided that if I wanted a stocking - then I needed to organise myself one.

I picked out of the Christmas box the spare felt stocking with a carrot shaped nose and chocolate smudge over the eyebrow and, over the next few days, gave myself permission to buy inexpensive indulgences AND necessities. I wrapped them up, stuffing them into Mrs Carrot Stocking and on that special Christmas day, opened my stocking whilst the girls opened theirs. I thoroughly enjoyed the anticipation, the reveal, and the present itself.

Since then I have always been on my Christmas shopping list. This year I have a handbag from Leprosy Mission, locally hand made Christmas cake and two books. I'll probably invest in some chocolate brazil nuts and cookie dough ice cream. I am lucky - these presents are new this year - presents haven't always been.

Remembering myself at Christmas, shopping for ME, is one of my self care habits. Try it - you might even enjoy it.

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